photo by exfordy

Whenever I hear the words “single lady” I cannot help but start singing, in my head of course, “Single Ladies”. No, I am not a Beyonce fan – at all! But to keep in the practice of being very honest with all of you, I will admit that when I began writing this piece I did have the song blaring and there was some dancing involved.

In all seriousness though, this post was a hard one to write. Why? Because I am a single woman, I am a single mom and it is very, very hard. I’m going to be very honest with you. I don’t like being single, it is not something that I ever thought I would be again, especially a single mom. Is it okay to not like being single? I love being a mom, but it is hard to do on your own. I have an amazing support system and am blessed to have parents that are very involved and have helped in so many ways – I truly am blessed. But I have this desire in my heart that is so strong and so painful at times – I want to be a wife. I do. I want to be a partner, a supporter, a cheerleader. I want to fall in love, have the romance, be loved and have that relationship grow and become stronger in God. And there are times when it is hard to admit those longings. I might be over assuming this next thought, but I believe that a good majority single women who are aren‘t happy with their single status, who are lonely, who have a desire to be a wife may be afraid to say so. Because aren’t we supposed to find contentment in singleness? Do we sound ungrateful for what we do have in our lives? I am not ungrateful for all the amazing things in my life and all the ways that I have grown. And when I see how God is working in my life and through my life – it amazes me. I am finding out more about myself then I would have if I was still married or in a relationship. I may have that strong desire but I cannot let it consume my life, when that starts to happen it is as if I am reaching out and yanking my heart, which I gave to God to mold and protect, and keeping it for myself.

I am a romantic – through and through. I love the movies, the books, the songs. What woman doesn’t want to be wooed and treasured, sought after and adored? I do! I do! And what can make it difficult and the longing even stronger is if you have had romance in your life – even for a briefest moment. The feelings that you felt, all those “love” feelings are always hiding in your heart, waiting to be rekindled. And when your heart has been broken and may still be healing, those are the feelings and aches that can make being single very hard.

In “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge it says:

How true is that? Ummm, yeah! But it goes on to say that this doesn’t need to wait for a man. The One who knows you best and loves you the most is pursuing you with passion. “We need him to open our eyes, to open our ears that we might recognize his voice calling to us, see his hand wooing us in the beauty that quickens our hearts.”

When those feelings of loneliness come, and the frustrations of being single seem extra heavy, remember this:

So, is it okay to not like being single? Yes, it is. But our focus needs to remain on our True Love. When it gets frustrating and the feelings of loneliness creep up, remember our greatest Romance. When jealousy is working it’s way into your heart, remember the One who is wooing you. He wants to pour his love into your heart and he longs to have you pour yours into his. He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you. The place that we tuck away our desires and dreams. We need to remember that He knows the desires of our hearts and He treasures those. 

“Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean

Higher than any bird ever flew

Longer than there’ve been stars in the heavens

I’ve been in love with you.

 Stronger than any mountain cathedral

Truer than any tree ever grew

Deeper than any forest primeval

I am in love with you.”

- Dan Fogelberg, “Longer”

Related posts: