photo by The Adventures of Kristin & Adam
Although tired from my long day, I lay in bed last night for what seemed like forever. Sometimes I lie awake at night trying to solve the worlds problems, but last night I was lying awake just trying to solve my own.
You see, for the last few weeks or months I have been feeling… weird. I don’t really know how else to describe it. I’m sure my more recent posts have reflected it…. perhaps more ‘lackadaisical’ and less ‘fired up’. My heart and mind have been changing… shifting. Hopefully maturing in some way. I feel like a bear in a cage. I have all this passion… but I feel stifled. I feel like I have things to say, but for varying reasons, I can’t seem to express them. Not verbally, not in writing. I can’t even seem to sort them out in my head. For someone who usually takes time to process through things and then moves on, it’s maddening to not even be able to process!
Yesterday, I was spending some time blog hopping. Something I haven’t had much time for lately. I spent time reading posts about wearing skirts instead of pants, about how using coupons can only buy you junk food, about Facebook and whether we should use it or not as Christians, and about being help meets to our husbands.
My main thought as I was reading through these things, whether or not I agreed with what they were saying was– WHO CARES?
Hello? I’ve written about (or at least thought about) a lot of those subjects before! Don’t I care about them?
Yes. No. Sort of. I don’t know!!
Several months ago, a very wise woman said to me in regards to my writing about subjects such as being a stay at home mom etc, “Kristi, you can write all you want about how a woman should be at home with her family, but until she really has a deep heart change, it’s not going to make any difference.”
And you know what? Even though it took me several months to see it… she’s right. Oh so right!
I think that *part* of my mind change.. my heart change is coming from the fact that while it’s certainly not a bad thing to talk about these subjects, I’ve realized that these subjects are just not the main thing.
I read a quote on Facebook yesterday from a friend: “Jesus didn’t just come to give you a kick start because you were a little bit off course. No. You’re ruined, and rotten, from the core–that’s your problem.”
That’s the problem! Right there! Most of my life, I did believe (subconciously) that I was probably a little bit off course and I needed Jesus to come in and give me a “kick start”. I think that most of us operate under that assumption a time or two in our lives.
But the truth is that we are ruined. We are rotten. At the very core of who we are. I struggle mightily with pride and selfishness and comparing myself to others. And those are ugly. I am rotten and I am ruined at my core.
How irrelevant is it for me, a ruined and rotten person to sit here at my computer and talk about the merits of this or that lifestyle choice, when the problem isn’t the lifestyle choice, it is the rotten core?
I guess it all seems very “religious” all of a sudden. Trying to change the outward behavior when the main problem is what is on the inside.
Don’t get me wrong. I stand behind everything that I’ve written. I agree with myself for the most part. *grin* But I’m starting to realize that whether you are a stay at home mom or you are a working mom, you are equally as ruined and rotten at your core. If you wear skirts or if you wear pants, you are equally as ruined and rotten at your core. If you put your babies on a sleeping schedule or if you sleep with them in your bed, you are equally as ruined and rotten at your core. If you are a perfect housekeeper, or if your kids make mess faster than you can clean it up, you are equally as ruined and rotten at your core.
We are ALL ruined. We are ALL rotten.
Jesus came to FIX it. He came so that we could bear GOOD fruit, and not ROTTEN CRAP.
And maybe, maybe maybe… if we ALL realized that, we could stop fighting and arguing and trying to be right about things that DON’T EVEN MATTER.
And maybe, maybe, maybe… if we ALL realized that, we could start doing things that DO MATTER.
Very true post Kristi! I agree totally! There are so many things that we can all argue about and get caught up in…but when it comes down to it…if the person isn’t changed INSIDE then the will never bear the fruit God wants them to have. Thanks for the inspiration!
Well said, Kristi! We are all flawed and want others to see us a ‘unflawed’, so we seek approval and agreement as we slog through life, missing the most important elements of Who Christ is and What He has done for us. It’s a journey, no matter where you are along the way. We are all learners and each has their own unique path to follow. Praise God, He sees us as forgiven and beloved children!! May we rest in that truth today.
Great post. The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love. We have had a split in our body over issues like you mentioned, so sad. We are all uniquely created by Him and for Him, we all have different areas of influence, so let’s get back to love and unity in the body of Christ.