photo by tj scenes
So…I’m having a difficult time with writing the “What a Mighty Good Man” series…I think it’s due to the fact that I was away from home all weekend with my mighty good man for our 12 year anniversary. =) I’ve spent the last couple days getting back into the swing of life and haven’t had a whole lot of time to think and write.
At any rate, I thought I would do something that is LONG overdue. Several months ago (like when CHK first started), I had asked if anyone had any questions for us to answer via post. Back then, we had like 10 readers…but we did get a question. And then I never answered it. Fail.
So, without putting it off any longer, I would like to answer this question from Karah…who has been waiting a long time. It’s a really great question and no, I’m not using this to stall on writing the other series. *ahem*
Here’s Karah’s question:
“My question would be: How do you stay motivated as a home keeper?
I am very nervous about this. I have 5 days of work left and then I’m going to be a SAHM for good! Before when I stayed home I became depressed and unmotivated easily. I think a lot of it goes back to how I was raised. My mom stayed home and she was always depressed and crying and complained about having to do things. How do I snap out of that and be a content, effective mother and wife?”
That’s a great question for all of us, Karah!
Personally, I have been a stay at home mom for more than 10 years (probably closer to 11 now since I quit my job when I was pregnant with my first son who is now 10). I remember when I was growing up, being a wife and a mom was really the only job that appealed to me. That’s definitely always been my dream, so making that decision was an easy one for both Josh and I.
That being said however, over the years, I have felt this struggle within me whenever I compared myself to working outside the home mom’s. I always felt like I was worth less…like I wasn’t contributing to society and “only” raising my kids and doing laundry, cleaning house and making dinner. I always felt like I somehow had to justify my decision to remain home. Because obviously, I must be lazy or somehow not reaching my full potential as a woman by staying at home.
There have also been lots of times over the years that since I really didn’t understand the value of what I was doing, I did lose motivation and didn’t put much effort into keeping the house clean or whatever.
Over the last year though, some significant things have happened that have changed my perspective. Maybe if I am able to share them with you all, I can save some of you 10 years of feeling like you’re worthless. =) Because you’re SO not worthless!
God’s Heart
The first thing that I would encourage you (and everyone else) to do is to find out what God’s heart is for women. I have done a lot of reading and studying in the Bible and elsewhere in the last months for this very issue. I believe with all my heart after all this reading and studying that God had a plan in mind when He created men and women. I believe that He created them each with special giftings and gave them guidelines for how best to use them. I believe that God has a very special place in His heart for women and for mothers. Seek after that. Find out what God’s heart is for women and for you. Because once you realize what it is, it has the powerful ability to change your perspective on your role and job as a stay at home mom.
Lots of Reading
In addition to studying the Bible to find God’s heart, I think it’s also important to read books that support your decision. We get bombarded all the time with messages from the world about how working mom’s are better than stay at home mom’s. You don’t need to be reminded of that perspective. Some of my favorite books are listed on our resource page. And if anyone reading this has additional suggestions for great books on being a stay at home mom, please feel free to leave them in the comment section.
A Support System
One of the greatest pieces of advice I got from a older, wiser friend in regards to friendship is to make sure that the people that you are intimate friends with, share your same core values. That is, if you want to avoid drama in your life. I’m not saying that every person you talk to has to share your every value… but the people that you go to for counsel and advice and support really should share those same values. It would be really hard to choose to be a stay at home mom while having a best friend who thinks that working outside the home is the best thing you could do for your family. If/when you go to her for support, she is always going to advise you opposite of your own values. And then you will always feel like you have to justify your decision to the closest people in your life. I don’t recommend that. As best you can, have a close-knit support system of a few other women who think that what you are doing is valuable. Then, when you’re having an especially difficult time, you can have someone to talk to, who has been there, understands and will be able to encourage you to stick it out.
Last But Not Least- Pray Continually
I like to keep God on speed-dial throughout my day. Some days I do better at talking with Him than others. But the key is to keep the lines of communication open. If you’re feeling tired, tell Him. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tell Him. If you’re feeling unmotivated, tell Him. You get the picture. Ask God for the support you need to get you through the day. Ask God to give you discernment when you hear messages that are contrary to your values. He will tell you what the truth is, if you ask Him.
What do you do to stay motivated?
Does anyone else have any questions you’d like answered? Our email door is always open… Or the comment section is a great place for questions.
About the “support system” thing…. Maybe you could give some advice to those of us who don’t actually know anyone in real life that shares our views on the home! I have one friend who shares this view, but she has been a homemaker for a little over a year, so she has less experience than I do, so it makes it the whole “support system” idea difficult. Should we shy away from having close friends at all since we don’t know any people that share our views? Or should we compromise and remain close with those that don’t hold the same values as we do? Since the choice is between loneliness and discouragement, it seems like a losing battle no matter what we choose.
Audrey, that is a great question. When it comes to friendships I have a whole list of what not to do…but I am still working on the list of what you should do. Friendships are such complicated things, between women especially.
I wouldn’t recommend “dumping” all of your friends at this point if you don’t share all of the same values. I don’t think that would be very Jesus-like. =) But if I were you, I would start intentionally seeking out additional people who are like minded and can offer support.
It’s easier said than done, however, as you know. The best thing I can advise is to pray about it first and foremost. God doesn’t want us to be lonely. We are built for community. And I believe that He will honor that prayer. Secondly, I would go to where the people are and start engaging with them. Mars Hill may be a great place to find a like-minded community. Hint, hint. =)
Haha I know!! We’re hoping to visit the Federal Way campus sometime in January!
Hopefully it’s not too far to drive every week!