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The other night Josh and I were watching the movie, “The Dark Knight”.  Not being a comic book fan, and not always a huge fan of action movies, I wasn’t sure I was going to like the movie…but I actually loved it.  It was well done and had what I considered to be a flawed, but courageous and honorable hero.  It also demonstrated how he wasn’t a loner…he had several people around him who offered him moral support and encouraged him when times got hard…which is a pretty good example of how no one can do things on their own- nor should they try.  At one of these difficult times, Bruce Wayne (aka: Batman) was wanting to give up, because it was too hard and things had gotten worse…he felt like he was making things worse for everyone.  And his butler and closest friend advised him that it was always the darkest before the dawn and to just hang on, because it was going to get better.

I’m not sure whether this is a biblical concept or not…but I have found it to be true in my life.

Have you all ever read the book, “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas?  We went through this book several years ago in a small group from church…I’ll just say that back then, whenever it was, I didn’t get it.  I didn’t understand really, what it was like to have really difficult struggles in one’s marriage…and so I didn’t really understand why he had to write a whole book on how marriage can strengthen us and bring us closer to God…especially during the difficult times.  So, I would say that this book is a 10-12 year book.  Don’t read it until you’ve been married at least that long…because you won’t get it!  Or at least wait until you’ve had some really deep significant struggles in your marriage…Okay, that was a total rabbit trail!

In the book “Sacred Marriage” Gary says this: ( I can call him Gary…cause Gary and me…we’re like “this”)

” We live in a nation of quitters.  Employees quit their jobs as soon as the going gets tough, employers quit on their employees as soon as profits dip a quarter of a percentage point.  People routinely quit on their  church and join another congregation at the slightest provocation.  The Bible even warns that some will quit on their faith (1 Timothy 4:1)”

He goes on from there to talk about the very important Christian doctrine of perseverance.  And basically says, in a nutshell, if we don’t learn to persevere, then there’s no way that we will ever learn to be like Jesus.

Several months ago Josh and I were involved in one of the nastiest disputes with other church members that we’ve ever been in…or ever hope to be in.  What made it even more horrific, was that not too long before that, Josh and I reached a point in our marriage where there was a possibility of separation…at least temporarily.

In both of those instances, there was a large part of me that wanted to run.  To get out.  It was too hard.  It was too painful.  It was too…. tangled.  I didn’t even know where to begin to unravel it!  It was just messy.

My whole world was literally crumbling beneath my feet and it was devastating.  In some ways, it still is.  Some days it still kind of feels like I’m buried in rubble…or at the very least like I’m still shaking dust out of my hair.

In another part of “Sacred Marriage”, Gary talks about how marriage can and does act like a mirror.  The mirror in large part reflects our sin back to us…I’ll just quote the book, because I’ve read this section over and over and every time it gets me.

“I have a theory: Behind virtually every case of marital dissatisfaction lies unrepentant sin.  Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance.  Sin, wrong attitudes, and personal failures that are not dealt with, slowly erode the relationship, assaulting and eventually erasing the once lofty promises made of an earlier (and less polluted) passion.

All of us enter marriage with sinful attitudes.  When these attitudes surface, the temptation will be to hide them or even run to another relationship where the attitudes won’t be so well known……

….I wouldn’t be surprised if many marriages end in divorce largely because one or both partners are running from their own revealed weakness as much as they are running from something they can’t tolerate in their spouse.”

Um, can you say, “ouch”?

Here’s the thing that I’ve learned though.  I don’t believe that this is just about marriage.  Sure, your spouse is the closest person to you, and the one most likely and often the one who will be acting as a mirror.  I would suggest that if allowed, friends, family and situations can also be a mirror to us.

Like I said earlier, in both of the above cases, I wanted to run.  But I didn’t.  And in both of these cases, BECAUSE I didn’t run, God was able to use those circumstances to point out areas in my life that needed to change.  He has brought me closer within the circle of His arms and He has brought me to a place where I am completely and utterly dependant on Him.

That wouldn’t have even come close to happening if I had left.  I would have felt dependant on myself…because wasn’t I the one to fix the problem?

Yes, there are certainly times when it is the best decision to go.  But I think that more often than not, it is important that we stay.  One more quote from “Sacred Marriage”

“If you’re a Christian, the reality is that, biblically speaking, you can’t swap your spouse for someone else.  But you can change yourself.  And that change can bring the fulfillment that you mistakenly believe is found only by changing partners.  In one sense, it’s comical:  Yes, we need a changed partner, but the partner that needs to change is not our spouse, it’s us!”

Because I stayed, God was able to change me in areas where I needed to be changed.  Because I stayed, I am a different spouse.  A different friend.  A different mother to my kids.  And I’m talking about a good different.  If I had left, I would have sacrificed all that.  Although it was the more difficult choice, I’m so glad that I stayed.

So, what about you?  Are you a Quitter?  Or are you a Stayer?

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