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Likewise teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. ~Titus 2:3-5
I’m going to be honest with you. (Surprised, much?) For the last 6 months or so, whenever I read this passage, I get all riled up. Want to know why? I hope so, because I’m going to tell you!
God gave clear instructions for women… And we’ve broken it. Somehow, somewhere along the line, we’ve decided that we know better than God how to run our own lives. Okay, I suppose we know exactly how and when it happened… It happened with the very first woman God ever made. Eve decided that she knew better than God and decided to do things her own way, and we’ve done the same thing ever since!
Let’s break this down a bit, shall we?
According to this passage, older women should:
Be reverent in how they live. In the Greek, the word for reverent is; hieroprepes which means: “reverent, pertaining to proper reverence, worthy of reverence. Which doesn’t really mean anything except when you look for the root word. In the Greek, the root word is; hieros. Hieros means: “sacred, holy, set apart for God.” The second part of the word is; prepo. Prepo means: “to be proper, appropriate, fitting, meets needs.”
Older women are not to be slanderers (we all know what that means) or addicted to much wine (we all know what that means) but they are to teach what is good. There is only one word used here for the “teach what is good”. But broken down the “teach” part in the Greek is: didasko. Didasko means: “to teach, to instruct, to provide information in a manner intended to produce understanding, either in a formal or informal setting.” (No big surprise there, right?) The word for “good” is; kalos. Kalos means: “good, right, beautiful, fine, excellent, better, noble.”
So, here are the things that Paul (the author of Titus) says are “good” and need to be taught to younger women:
To love their husbands
To love their children
To be self-controlled
To be pure
To be busy at home
To be kind
To be subject to their husbands
So that no one will malign the word of God.
I could give you the Greek for what all of this means, but then the post would be forever long. The part I would like to highlight however is the “busy at home” part. Do you know what this means?? Well, I’ll tell you. The big word meaning busy at home is; oikourgos. It means: “busy at home, domestic, homemaking.” But the root word…the part that means “home”? That is the Greek word; oikos. Oikos means house, home, a physical edifice, of royalty, palace, of deity, temple, by extension, family, lineage, people who live in or originated in a particular house.”
Is that not awesome? I would make a wild leap of faith to say I’m pretty sure that home is where God’s heart is.
But that is not really what I’m going to camp on. I would like to talk about the plan that God has set up here. He is calling older women to live well so that they, in turn, have the ability and opportunity, to teach the younger women the “good” things that they need to learn.
So, I have a few questions; Who or what is an “older woman”? And why aren’t they teaching?
I will answer the latter first. How many women do you know, who have raised their kids and are intentionally seeking younger women to teach? How many of them are even available for this? I could probably count all the ones I know on one hand… and I wouldn’t even fill it up. Most of the older women I know don’t have time. Most of them are working. And if they are working, then how can they teach younger women what it means to be “busy at home” or any of those other things? I wrote a Letter to Older Women a while back asking for their help. Because the simple fact is, they just aren’t available.
We’ve broken God’s plan, and I imagine, His heart.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a calling from God. I feel called to be that “older woman”. But I’m not old. So does that mean that I need to wait? Is there a magic age where you transition from younger to older? I don’t think so. The thing is, I’m not old. But I am old-er. I’ve been married for 12 years. I have 5 kids. I’m 31. I might not have the same amount of life experience as a 50 year old woman, but I have more than a 22 year old who has been married a couple years and has one kid.
I believe that this plan that God set up is for all women at every life stage. I can sit around and whine about how there are not very many older-than-me women who are available to teach me and my friends. And to be honest, I have… let’s face it… it’s a problem. But I have to also feel the calling as a woman, and take responsibility to be the one teaching those coming after me.
It’s a little scary though. Because I know there’s a lot of stuff I haven’t figured out yet. And a ton of things I still have to learn. I’m not “there” yet.
So, I feel the calling. Now what do I do? I’m not sure. All I know to do at this point is to put myself out there. Make myself available. Offer myself.
And then wait for God to tell me what to do.
Krisit–God bless you–thank you SO much for writing this! The Lord has put this same subject on my heart, and I have spent a lot of time pondering exactly what it means to be an older woman. I’ve felt called to be an “older woman” through my blog, but then wondered…. because I am a young woman, since I have young children at home! So really, I guess I am both. Thank you for helping me sort through this. I too am so frustrated with where the world has gone regarding home and family, and it is such a passion of mine to teach women to follow the Bible’s teachings in this area. (My sister is a hard core feminist so you can imagine that it is very hard for us to have conversations sometimes!) Thank you!
You are so right! You already know that I don’t have an older woman in my life who is teaching me what I need to be taught, so you are my older woman! Haha! I wish more women would step up to the plate and teach the younger women. It’s amazing how far away from God’s heart we’ve gotten in this area!
I get caught up in the mindset that I am the younger woman needing the older woman. While I would totally benefit from it, and desire that type of relationship, I need to realize that I am now the ‘older woman’ to a lot of gals. (gulp!)
Thanks for the great post and perspective!
Thanks so much for writing this post…it’s as if I wrote it myself! I attended the True Woman Conference in October and this very topic was discussed. I’m 38, but like you, I feel a tug on my heart to step into a new position of teaching and training those younger than me. I also wonder where the older women are. It’s so sad what the feminist movement has done to our society and to the church. If we’re ever to heal from this mess we’ve got to get in God’s Word and DO what He says. Thanks for being bold and posting this today.
I felt this same way for many years- always wondering where the older women were that were supposed to be helping me. What I learned was that I was shutting them out. Whenever advice was offered, I would tell them why that wouldn’t work for me. I knew I had a need but was unwilling to be taught. Many of these women graciously gave of their time and knowledge to be rejected by me. Some of them gave much needed insight but because they didn’t phrase it in a way that petted my flesh I felt as though I didn’t need to listen. You see, I didn’t want a mentor, I wanted a yes man, someone to affirm my choices even if they were contrary to scripture or experience.
If you truly want an older woman in your life, may I suggest that you first make sure you are not sabotaging yourself? Have you asked God for a mentor? Have you actively sought for a mentor in your sphere of aquaintance? Are you actively cultivating relationships with older women or are most of your friends your own age/own phase of family life? If you are waiting for an older woman to approach you, it may be a long lonely wait. Many younger women become offended when helpful advice/teaching is offered and then they lash out with gossip and slander or make excuses to refuse the help of the older women. Is it really so surprising that the older women don’t approach you first?
If I may make a suggestion, get off the internet and use your time to pray and earnestly seek an older woman to mentor you. Actively pursue friendships with godly older women in your church. While aquaintances on the internet are fun and add to our lives, they can never see the whole of our life. Only those parts each is willing to share is seen and we all know that we clean that up. Those types of aquaintances cannot take the place of a flesh and blood woman who can pray, advise, and physically help by bringing a meal, cleaning a closet, rejoicing with you in your accomplishments, or mourning with you in your distress. Of course, a relationship with a real woman is a two way street and will require some form of investment from you. Much harder. Much better.
You are right, Michele, and I also did this for years. Or at least in my case, I didn’t feel like I “needed” anyone older… until everything all fell apart for me. I currently do have two older women in my life whom I have seeked out and asked to speak into my life. One lady is a lovely older single woman who is a mom of teenage girls, and one is a doesn’t mince any words older woman who is very much like me in any way… she and her husband have offered to help mentor my marriage with my husband and I. Both ladies are different and meet different “needs” that I have and I appreciate them… even when I don’t always agree or want to fight their advice.
Please understand that I am not suggesting you stop being on the internet entirely. I meant to say, spend more time pursuing that mentor than perusing the internet.
Hi Kristi,
I am very interested in the study of original languages (especially Greek). Is there a particular source you used, or have you studied the language? I didn’t see any footnotes, so I wasn’t sure if you had a favorite tool to consult for language studies, or if it was from knowing Greek.
Ha Ha! No, unfortunately I don’t know any Greek. I was consulting my concordance for those references. As “controversial” as it is, my favorite version of the Bible is NIV and I have a concordance that works with the NIV. It’s called “The Strongest”… NIV exhaustive concordance.
Concordances are very useful, and one of my favorites for individual word studies.
Have you tried a Greek lexicon for word studies? There’s a few that are numbered to coordinate with Strong’s numbering system, and there are many other language tools to expand the concordance.
Is the NIV controversial? I know parts of the TNIV were, but I didn’t realize the current edition of the NIV was.
Oh… I don’t know. I don’t really even know why they were “controversial” in the first place to be honest. I just remember hearing reasons why other versions were better over the years. Supposedly the ESV version is supposed to be one of the better ones now, but I don’t like it as well. To me it feels like the language is similar to KJV or maybe NKJV which make me have to think too hard. =) Thanks for the idea on the Greek lexicon! Perhaps that will by my next step!
The ESV was ‘better’ in that it is closer to the grammar of the Greek (like the NASB before it), but the ‘better’ is really determined by what you’re doing with the translation. I still like my NIV better.