Photo by Clay Carson
This wasn’t what I had planned on posting today. I had planned on doing some pie recipes for Thanksgiving.
But God changed my mind.
You see, I have a fear. Probably more than one. But one thing at a time.
I have a fear of being left…of being alone.
The only thing that I have ever successfully done in any relationship I’ve had, is to drive them away. I seem to be good at that and not much else.
At some point in every relationship I’ve had, it apparently becomes too difficult to love me…or to fight for me. And so they leave in some way or another.
It must be my fault. Because I am the common denominator in every relationship that I’ve had.
I’ve determined then that I must be more careful. Not to scare anyone. Not to offend anyone. Not to cause any conflicts. Because if I do, they will leave.
And I will be alone.
I am the common denominator.
But tonight, in the midst of my fear, I “just so happened” to listen to a sermon on spiritual warfare.
As I wrestled with this fear I have, I explained to God, that it must be my fault. Because I am the common denominator!
And God said back to me, “You are not the only common denominator… Every relationship you’ve ever had is with another sinner.”
I haven’t explored all the way through this yet. I haven’t fully let it sink in. And although this doesn’t absolve me of responsibility for things I have personally done wrong in relationships, it does taste a little like freedom.
And I thought, that perhaps, someone else might need to hear this today.
Kristi,
Wow….I’m right there with you…I was raised to be independent and self sufficient…plus life experiences showed me that the only person I could depend on was myself to take care of me. But God is gracious and merciful and persistent in pursuing me and showing me I can ALWAYS trust Him as He helps me overcome this fear. Thanks for sharing what God is telling you!!
Robin
Thank you for sharing this today Kristi! I have struggled with these feelings many times, none more so than these past 3 1/2 years. They can be such strong, horrible feelings to have and I find that they flare up within me and can so easily seep into other areas of my life. Thank you for being so honest, dear friend.