photo by mizzledrizzle

I turn 34 next Sunday.  Do I have any profound thoughts or feelings as I draw closer to being another year older?  No, not really, but here are some thoughts that have been bubbling through my mind and heart lately.

My children just finished another year of school.  I now have a 4th grader and a kindergartner and have been feeling a little sad because time does fly by so quickly but it is bittersweet because I love seeing them grow and discover all the things that they do.  They are smart, funny, and so very loving.  They are so completely different that at times I feel like I am spinning just trying to keep up with them. 

In about a month it will mark another anniversary of my children and I living with my parents.  When my old wedding anniversary comes and goes I don’t feel any twinges anymore but the anniversary of moving in with my parents fills me with feelings of being blessed and loved.  My parents are a huge support to me and the relationship that they have with my children is priceless. 

A day after I turn 34 I start another portion of school.  I’m a little more excited about this because it is a class that I wanted to take last time but it was full.  Now I get too.  I know it is going to be hard and challenging but I can’t wait!  I have major anxiety when it comes to school, but I feel a peace about this next step.  At times I get impatient and wish I was finished with school already.  I have a bit of a road ahead of me but I wish I could fast forward to the end.  When I walk through ikea I’m already designing and planning what I want my counseling office to look like.  I can already imagine helping women and I actually feel impatient in my heart. 

Last month I received a text from my younger sister at 5:00 am telling me about a tornado in Joplin, MO they day before.  My best friend lives in Granby, MO and they were in Joplin just hours before it hit.  I have never felt that kind of fear, helplessness, and sadness.  I received texts from her and she and her family were okay but to watch the news and see the images that she was so close to was very difficult.  She has been with me through some of my darkest, saddest, most unsure moments, it was a very scary few days and not being able to be there for her still leaves me feeling unsettled. 

This summer is one that I am nicknaming, “summer of connections”.  Why you may ask.  I get to reconnect with dear friends and my sisters.  I am lucky enough to have 3 wonderful friends all returning to Oregon throughout the summer and I will get to spend some much needed time with them.  My older sister and her children are coming for a few weeks which means some much needed sister time with my 2 sisters.  I get a little giddy when I think about spending time with everyone. =)  One thing I have been reminded of as I have grown older, is how lucky I am, or I should say how blessed I am when it comes to friends.  God has placed the most amazing women in my life and I get to call them friends (and sisters).  They are all different and unique but their hearts are beautiful.

As another birthday approaches I, sometimes subconsciously, start to think about where I was this time the year before.  Last year I was in an entirely different place in my life.  But where I am today is where I know God wants me to be.  If I was where I was last year, I know I would not be happy.  Funny because this time last year I was very happy, very content, very sure about where I was headed.  But it took a broken heart for me to stop and listen to God’s whispers and to realize that He has better plans for me.

So, those are just some of the thoughts that have been bouncing around.  In each of the snipits I shared, I have seen one thing constant, one thing that I know is true, God’s love.