photo by lakewentworth

Life seems to be made up of a series of decisions.  Sometimes the decisions are big and life changing and sometimes the decisions are seemingly small and insignificant.

You wake up in the morning and your first decision is what to wear that day, and then you make the decision to have coffee or food first (COFFEE!).  Then you decide what to have for breakfast, what things you are going to get done that day, whether you should let your daughters color with sharpies, or if you’re willing to take them out in public in the outfit they chose.  Decisions, decisions.

There are moments, however when you make decisions that will change your life.  Asking God to come into your life, who will you marry, where will you live, how many children will you have, should you make that career change, etc.

These are the moments where it is necessary to slow down and take some time to process through these issues and be able to make a good decision.  When you make these life-altering decisions, it begins to look a bit scary in some cases, because when you say ‘yes’ to something, it means you are saying ‘no’ to something else.

Have you ever thought about that?  This reality had never seemed more real to me than when Josh and I were trying to make a decision on the hows of adoption.  It was such a scary thing for both of us I think.  Because if we said yes to an adoption direction, we were essentially saying no to another… we were saying no to other children… other lives.  And who were we to say no?  Who were we to even make that decision?  That was probably the most difficult part for us so far.

So, how do you go through the process of making a decision that will potentially change your life?

I remember years ago, I heard a sermon at my church about God’s will, and how you found it.  The big idea of the sermon as I remember was that there are very few things that are outside of God’s will (think ten commandments), and if you and your decision didn’t fall within those things, you could probably assume that it wasn’t necessarily a matter of “God’s will” in your life.

However, just because something may not be a “ten commandment” issue, doesn’t mean that it’s a good decision or even a wise one.   So how does a person go about making wise decisions?

First of all, the obvious answer is to pray about it.  Pray about the decision, pray about the situation.  Pray against selfishness in the decision.  Pray that you are able to do what God wants you to do, and not just what you want to do.  Ideally though, you are going to want the same thing that God wants.

Second, seek wise counsel.  That idea is all over Proverbs.  Seek out a few people who know you and your situation and have even hopefully had similar situations in their lives.  Ask them what they did in their situation and why.  Ask them what they would do in your situation and why.  Bonus points if this person is older and has more life experience than you.

Third, be on the same page as your spouse.  I can tell you with some certainty, that unless it’s an issue of abuse or something, there will almost never be a situation where it is within God’s will for you to make a decision that goes against your husband.  And for husbands… well it’s a little different.  Sometimes they *may* have to make a decision that they feel like is best for the family that goes against the wishes of their wife.  But… I think this is RARE… and tread carefully.  God has given men wives for a reason, and that is to help.  Let her help you.

Fourth, go for it.  After praying about your decision, talking with wise people and being on the same page as your spouse, you will likely feel a pull towards a particular decision or direction.  I will tell you, it’s not always the popular decision.  It’s not always the easy decision.  But if you feel a pull towards a direction, then do it!  Begin the process and continue to pray for each step you take.  Ask God to close the doors if this is not the right direction for you and your family.  I believe that if you are seeking God for every step you take, He will continue to guide you, even if it’s in a direction that you weren’t expecting.  The thing is, He can’t guide you if you’re not moving.

The next major problem you will run into is that over and over, people will likely question your decision.  It will often make people upset, or uncomfortable.  God has a tendency to do that.

This is exactly where I find myself… a decision has been made, we feel God’s leading… and people are questioning us.  The only guideline I know to follow is Colossians 4:6- “Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you know how to answer everyone.”

I’m working on it.

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