Photo by yamaken
Meet our newest monthly contributor to Courageous Homekeeping, Julie! ~Kristi
“For God chose us a queen of the flowers in his mirth,
He would call to the rose, and would royally crown it;
For the rose, oh, the rose! is the grace of the earth,
Is the light of the plants that are growing upon it!
For the rose, ho, the rose! is the eye of the flowers,
Is the blush of the meadows that feel themselves fair,
Is the lightning of beauty that strikes through the bowers
On pale lovers that sit in the glow unaware.”
-An adaptation of “Song of the Rose”, by Julie Engelman
I love roses! The diversity of a single class of flower amazes me. Hundreds of roses have different specifications: size, type, smell, color, purpose, etc. Yet still, all of them are as they were made to be, beautiful! God has passion, an amorous affection; He must, or why else would he ornament our world with such beauty? Do you think the thorns were always on the rose from the very beginning? I do not know and can’t wait to ask God, if I get the chance.
Roses and women remind me of each other. I’ve never seen an ugly one. I’ve never seen a perfect one. They both need care, attention, pruning, and nurturing. There are some that are tiny and shy, hiding behind the hosta. Others reach for the sky, feeling the pleasant warmth of sun and looking past the layers of this world into the heavens. Still there are more, wild roses know exactly what they were made to be and flourish despite the absence of a caretaker. Those that, without a caretaker, wouldn’t know how to bloom again in the spring, despite the amazing bouquet they had just made for summer.
What are we without God? He has handcrafted each of us, knows our minds and the designs of our heart. We cannot hide from Him or His plan, but we can be blind to it, searching for fulfillment and never finding it. Following God and putting all trust in Him is how we find true peace and contentment, a purpose. Now, is this easy to do? Absolutely not. I don’t know if I will ever find peace. I imagine myself following God’s path, sometimes under my own delusion. It’s simpler for me to accept problems when I say, “It’s because God wants me to learn a lesson” rather than just being honest with myself and saying, “Because I didn’t follow God’s plan and made a mistake, I’m now in this current predicament.” Despite which one is correct, God is always with me, giving me a hand over, or under, these obstructions. That is my only consolation as a sinner: no matter what I do, He is taking care of me.
I am just turning over a new chapter in my life. I am unsure as to the title, but it’s going to be as bumpy and as happy as the last. This March I will give birth to the first of many children I hope to be blessed with! Thrilled as I am, time is slipping away as I realize I have less than 60 days to learn how to become Supermom. I’m in love with my husband and so happy I was chosen by him to be his bride in 2007. He has three beautiful kids whom I already love and adore. But can I really understand the love a parent has for a child until I go through this experience as well? To love them and consider I can’t even fathom his love for them is troubling at times. I am just honored to know that he sees me worthy of being a mother, not in name but in character, to them and our unborn. It is a steep climb to the top of this mountain of expectations.
Both my husband and I wish to have a large family. As it is, we’re already at four. So, what is large? When we were first planning and dreaming about our future lives together, our final number was between 9-12, which is quite large. I would explain to myself that after 3 or 4, we’re already playing a tag-team kind of parenting game anyway, more wouldn’t change that much. Oh the naivety of myself! I have had a very smooth pregnancy and so don’t worry about more kids on that front, but what I’m now worrying about is that one-on-one special time I want each of our kids to be able to experience with each of us. As it is, I’m already realizing for the first time, finally, how much work three can be. We have just won in the courts joint custody! I am thrilled to be able to have them under my own roof! It’s only happened once so far, but one week at Christmas changed so much in our lives.
I love being a housewife! I love the cooking, menu planning, cleaning, and laundry. To see myself grow from the immature, irresponsible teenager I was into the new time organizing, to do list making, grocery math learning, and slightly obsessive-compulsive proud young adult I now am, is amazing. God has really opened my eyes in the last couple of years as to what the “realistic” world is. I struggle sometimes when I compare my high school diploma to other women’s degrees. The depression of self-worth goes down, and I worry as to whether or not I could have got through college rather than if I should have. To feel dumb in comparison is hard, but I have to keep telling myself that I have different smarts. Some of my happiest moments come from the contented sigh passing my husband’s lips as he finishes a dinner I’ve prepared. Or when he surprises me with flowers on the day he knew I’d be cleaning the house, just to say thanks and that I’m worth something. There’s also the time that I hold dear to my heart from this past Christmas: the middle child of three, a boy of age 5, without being told to, came and found me in our house after dinner one night to say, “Thanks for doing the laundry, Julie.”
I thank God for the little joys and reminders of how much honor He gives housewives and mothers!
Julie, great first post!
I remember when my first son was about to be born and the uncertainty of what my life would be like! You will be a great mom, and have lots of women who will pull alongside you to give support and encouragement! Can’t wait to meet your little one when he/she comes!